Surprised by Marriage, Surprised by Grace; Age of Heroic Catholicism
September 2024
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Friends, I want to introduce you to this month’s guest writer, Jen Lirette. Jen and I connected online and I have had the pleasure of following her ministry for some time now. I asked Jen to write this month to share a bit of her wisdom around marriage, and some simple yet effective ways her and her husband have been prioritizing their marriage for 15 years. I hope her article blesses you!
Surprised by Marriage, Surprised by Grace
by Jen Lirette
Anyone who is married knows that things don’t always turn out the way you expect. Bank accounts dwindle, pregnancies end unexpectedly (or don’t happen at all), literal storms destroy your house, boundaries with in-laws are complicated, and decent communication between spouses seems to be an unattainable goal.
And that’s just scratching the surface. My husband and I have had our fair share of “surprises” over our last 15 years, which is one reason we started our ministry Surprised By Marriage. But the biggest surprise of all is how we truly do love each other more now than we did on our wedding day, despite all of the trials. We’ve been surprised by the trials, yes, but we’ve also been surprised at how beautiful and grace-filled marriage can be when we’re putting God first and our marriage second. The path to heaven is through our marriage, crosses and all.
“It is by following Christ, renouncing themselves, and taking up their crosses that spouses will be able to ‘receive’ the original meaning of marriage and live it with the help of Christ.” - Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 1615
Thank God for sacramental grace! We still need to do our part, though, because the sacraments “bear fruit in those who receive them with the required dispositions” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 1131). I love the analogy of a garden when it comes to a marriage — we need to tend to it, water it, and help it grow. Only then will it bear fruit. And the same is true for marriage! My own marriage thrives and is fruitful when both my husband and I are making each other a priority. Sometimes it’s easy, and other times, it’s a struggle. But let’s go back to the garden analogy…Which garden do you think will have more fruit, the one where the gardener checks on it every few weeks, or the one where the gardener diligently checks on it every single day?
I want to share 5 things that my husband and I have been doing consistently for years now, that really do make all of the difference in our marriage. It’s what we do to “tend to our garden”, so to speak.
Pray together every single day. Marriage as a sacrament is a sign of God’s love and presence. Is God the center of your marriage? We need to be talking to the Lord every day, individually and as a couple. Spiritual intimacy is the foundation of a marriage, so if you’re not already praying together, start today! It can be as easy as praying an Our Father together and progressing as you feel more comfortable.
Go on dates regularly. And I don’t mean wait for all the stars to align! Kids get sick, babysitters cancel, the budget is tight…I get it. But if we want to have time with our spouse, we have to do what we can to make it happen. Sometimes that means sneaking away to the front porch to have uninterrupted conversation while our kids are watching a movie inside, and other times we can make a night out happen with a free babysitter and gift card. Check out our date night resources if you need some inspiration!
Frequent the sacraments. There are so many graces available to us; we just have to take advantage of them! I honestly cannot imagine trying to do this marriage thing without receiving the Eucharist often and going to Confession regularly. I recently heard a speaker confirm this for me, when he quoted St. John Paul II as saying that prayer and the sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation are the “infallible and indispensable” means “to form the Christian spirituality of conjugal and familial life”. The sacraments are not optional to live a holy marriage and family life; they are vital! As husband and wife, we can hold each other accountable (with love, of course!) when it comes to receiving the sacraments. Remember that we are trying to get each other to heaven!
Focus on the little things. Life is crazy and it’s not always realistic to do these grand gestures of love. And honestly, it’s the little things that can mean the most. Preparing a lunch for your spouse to bring to work the next day, sending a sweet text in the middle of the day, and stopping whatever you are doing to give your spouse a big hug and kiss when you see them after work. A marriage is made up of a million little moments. Make them count!
Attend a marriage retreat every year. Over ten years ago, we attended our first marriage retreat together, and it marked a turning point in our marriage. We realized that it is very difficult to evaluate our marriage and family life when we’re in the thick of it, so having the time away together without distractions is the perfect way to talk about what’s going well and what we need to work on. We honestly cannot adequately explain the beauty of a marriage retreat — you just need to experience it for yourself! Reach out to your local diocesan Office of Marriage & Family Life to see if there are any retreats in your area. But if you want a reason to visit New Orleans, many couples travel from out-of-state to attend the retreats here in our Archdiocese. We would love to have you!
These five things really do help us keep our marriage a priority amidst the craziness of life with four kids, work, and ministry. And if it seems like a lot, know that we didn’t start off doing all of these things at once. It was a gradual growth over the years — so start with one thing, and go from there.
If you’re in a season of disillusionment in your marriage, it’s important to still do these things mentioned above, even when it’s hard! Remember the garden… sometimes we think a plant is dead when all it needs is a little more sunlight or water (or both) to get it thriving again. Your efforts will produce abundant fruit!
Jen lives in southeast Louisiana with her high school sweetheart husband and their four boys. She enjoys watching movies with her husband, having family dance parties in the kitchen, and reading as many books as she can. You can find her online at Surprised By Marriage, as well as on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, and Vineyard, where she and her husband, Logan, share all about the graces and struggles of Catholic marriage.
Age of Heroic Catholicism
The age of casual Catholicism is over; the age of heroic Catholicism has begun. We can no longer be Catholics by accident, but instead Catholics by conviction.” – Rev. Terrance Henry, President of Franciscan University of Steubenville
When I first became Catholic I couldn’t imagine why those who had grown up Catholic could be so lukewarm, so passive, so lackadaisical about their faith. Didn’t they know what they had? Didn’t they see the beauty and mystery of this faith with profound wonder?
My enthusiasm was brimming and I struggled to grasp their point of view.
I had, after all, just found this deep well from which to drink, my thirst finally beginning to be sated. I couldn’t imagine anyone coming to Mass and walking away empty handed.
8 years into my Catholic faith, I finally had compassion for those who either had walked away from their faith or chose to keep it at an arms length. In short, as this could be its own article, scandal, poor liturgy, and people sapped the joy, the mystery and the wonder. Add in restless toddlers and exhaustion and I just was about done. It was all too much and I found myself pondering the words “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” Jn 6:68
Maybe you read this and think “how can you let little things eat away at your faith like that?” or maybe you’re thinking “Yes! this is what I struggle with!” and honestly both are reasonable responses depending on where you are at in your faith right now.
The reality is we are human, and little things will eat away at us - a homily hits wrong, someone at Mass is just plain rude, community is lacking at church, our cup isn’t being filled like we want etc. Our souls desire more but at times, or often, our reality is lacking in significant ways.
So many things can pull us away from that mystery, that beauty, that wonder - a thousand little distractions that eat away at our faith, and sap us of our desire to seek the Lord as we struggle to keep our heads above water.
Yet today, more than ever, our world needs Catholics of conviction, Catholics who know their faith, live their faith, and share their faith.
We need to be heroic.
“It is necessary that the heroic becomes daily and that the daily becomes heroic." -St. John Paul II
So how do we do it? How can we step out of the trenches of life and still seek the Lord on the horizon? How can we shake off the shackles of this world as it attempts to trap us in the mundane, ever focused on its own failings, and make the daily heroic despite everything?
These are questions I’ve wrestled with for years and I always seem to come back to two answers:
Look to the Saints. When it feels like at times the Church today is failing us, when some of our bishops are being silent, when some of our priests aren’t leading us, when we feel completely alone - we must realize we are not in fact alone. The beauty of the Catholic Church is that it is more than the visible church here on earth. It is in fact the Church Triumphant, as well. We have the Saints from all the ages as examples of how to persevere, how to be heroic in the everyday, of how to share our faith with others. Examples of how to choose God despite everything seeming to fall apart. The Saints, their stories, their faith are not only inspiring but they humanize our faith. They remind us that we don’t have to be perfect but that if we, daily, choose God despite all the failures of our age, that God will raise up more Saints to be lights during times of darkness. As the Church Militant we must look to the Saints as lights, pray to become those lights and ask God to move in us and through us - daily.
Focus on our little sphere of influence. I know “influencer” has a bad rap, and for good reason. I promise I’m not going to sell you a little trinket - I am, however, going to tell you that each of us are influencers. We influence our children, our spouse, our parents, our friends, our church community, our co-workers. All who we spend time with are influenced by our disposition, our actions, our heart for serving them, our heart for the Lord - all of it. If we take this seriously, and take to heart St. John Paul’s charge to make the heroic daily and the daily heroic we have to ask ourselves “What does this look like?” and I always come back to the same response - influence. It can be as simple as a text message of encouragement to a friend you haven’t seen in a month, making lunch for your spouse for work, praying over your children before school, praying the rosary as a family, singing praise songs on the way to Mass, memorizing a bible verse with your children. We must make the heroic act of living for Christ a daily act, and make our daily acts heroic for Christ and others will notice - Christ said as much.
You are the salt of the earth; but if salt has lost its taste, how shall its saltiness be restored?
You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do men light a lamp and put it under a bushel, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.
- Matthew 5:13-14
We are still in Ordinary Time and I strongly believe that meals are a great place from which to build a liturgical lifestyle. To keep Ordinary Time more engaging what I try to do, sometimes more successfully than others, is pick 1 Feast day coming up and plan a special meal around that, add in some prayer, and if you’re feeling extra, a craft! A lot depends on how much traveling we are doing, and our energy levels, but it is always a fun time and the kids love to mark these special days with delicious food!
Our family is still currently being blessed by many who are bringing us food while our son recovers from surgery, so this is a sample meal plan of what I would do if I was cooking all the meals this week. I hope it blesses you!
Meal Plan:
Sunday (22nd Sunday in Ordinary Time): Rotisserie Chicken + roasted potatoes, and sauteed summer squash.
Monday: Using up the Rotisserie Chicken - Chicken soup. Brown chopped onions in butter, when translucent add diced garlic. Add in sliced carrots, summer squash (or any favorite veggie) and sliced tomatoes (I use frozen grape tomatoes we have saved from our previous gardening season). Cook down for 5-10 minutes, add broth, salt, pepper, Italian seasoning, let simmer for 15-20 minutes. Add chopped up chicken, and let cook for another 10 minutes. I like to let my soup cook for an additional 30-45 minutes on very low heat just to allow the flavor to develop. Serve hot with chunk of sourdough bread (homemade or bought).
Tuesday: Homemade Pizza! This is a favorite in our house, though admittedly we haven’t done this frequently since our latest move. It’s super easy to prep for in advance. I like this pizza dough recipe as you can freeze it, and pull it out later to use. Chop whatever veggies, meat, etc. that you like on your pizza, place in separate bowls, have pizza sauce and shredded mozzarella at the ready and go to town making individual pizzas for your family!
Wednesday: Chicken Carbonara - Joe and I discovered this recipe about 5 years ago. It’s so easy and delicious. I like to add it in our rotation on occasion as it sounds fancy but really is so simple!
Thursday: Leftover buffet - one of my favorite ways to use up meat meals before Friday!
Friday : Baked Salmon with butter, Italian seasonings and squeezed lemon (10 minutes before pulling out of the oven), serve with green beans (or summer squash) and roasted potatoes.
Saturday: Leftovers again!
Little Mustard Seeds
Each newsletter I like to share a few favorite things that have blessed me as a mom, homemaker, and woman. The links in this newsletter are unaffiliated unless I say it’s an affiliate link.
I’ve been working out more and finally decided to get some genuine workout clothes vs just some cotton shorts (still doing research on workout tops, so stay tuned!). As I work out I want to still feel confident that my clothes are flattering, and unrevealing, so I found this cute workout skirt and some shorts that I am loving. Here is the link if you want to check them out. (This is an affiliate link, as an Amazon associate I earn from qualifying purchases)
By now you probably know we are a homeschooling family, and have been for the past 5 years. In that time, I have found that being prepared is the best way to ensure we get through our daily lessons with minimal tears, and without me pulling all my hair out. Enter in the most amazing planner and I’ve tried quite a few. I love this planner from Elizabeth Clare, it incorporates feast days from the Traditional liturgical calendar and the New liturgical calendar, plus all the pages you need to organize lessons for multiple kids, plan your days, meals, and notes for running a household. I love that I can check school progress, what feast day is coming up and any upcoming doctor’s appointments all in one planner!
Prayer Habit
“Prayer is oxygen for the soul” - St. Padre Pio
It is September already, and I honestly can’t believe we’re in the ‘ber’ months already! The cool air may be bristling past or you are longing for that cool breeze, either way, Fall is most assuredly on its way! This month is also dedicated to Our Lady of Sorrows with the spiritual fruits of piety and the spirit of prayer. Perfect for our prayer habit this month.
One way to focus on this devotion is with scripture. If you are not familiar with this devotion, or even if you are, take a moment to read through these verses. Ask God to speak to you through His Word and help us grow in humility, piety and the spirit of prayer as Mary shows us in the Bible.
What are the seven swords that pierced Mary's heart?
The prophecy of Simeon (Luke 2:25-35)
The flight into Egypt (Matthew 2:13-15)
Loss of the Child Jesus for three days (Luke 2:41-50)
Mary meets Jesus on His way to Calvary (Luke 23:27-31; John 19:17)
Crucifixion and Death of Jesus (John 19:25-30)
The body of Jesus taken from the Cross (Psalm 130; Luke 23:50-54; John 19:31-37)
The burial of Jesus (Isaiah 53:8; Luke 23:50-56; John 19:38-42; Mark 15:40-47)